Wizards and Delivery Boys

     I really hate the word “blog”. Not that I'm in denial. This project is very much a blog, and I can't really do much to change that. But for me, “blog” has a somewhat general meaning for a place where whiny teens talk about how they hate their parents, or where environmentalists try to prove that they're saving the world, and we're not. And that's not how I want this to be portrayed, but I feel like every time I tell someone about this, they judge me as if that's what I'm writing. So, instead of calling this a blog, I'm calling it Basic Literature of Grandeur, or, because it's a bit of a mouthful, a Blog. -Oh... Well, that was counter productive.

     Like all friendships, there was a time where the friendship between Ben, Spencer, Cory and I had yet to exist. And I always wished that there was some amazing story about how the four of us met, maybe something with adventure, intrigue, and random explosions. However, the story of how we met is actually fairly dull. Cory, Spencer and Ben all knew each other from Elementary School, and I met them through Middle School Band.

     Spencer was a saxophonist who constantly grumbled all the swears he knew at that age (which were surprisingly numerous), Cory was an awkward euphonium player who resembled a vampire's preteen son, and Ben, also a saxophonist, was just a cheery ginger kid. Me? I was the good little Christian boy who was terrified of everyone, cried at a moment's notice, and wore a beret whenever possible. Yup.

     While the four of us knew each other back then, and would consider what we had as friendship, we weren't quite at the quartet status yet. No, that would take a long and unforgettable journey to one of the wickedest places in the world. A place of bright lights, proportionally impossible women, and home to some of the greediest people to ever live. That's right.

     Disney World.

     It was Freshman year, and the four of us were all roommates for the High School Band Disney trip. It was an exciting time for our music department, and my first time going to Disney. This was a time of growth, not just for our friendship, but for me. However, this growth isn't exactly what I would call maturing, or even good. You see, this week is what's known as “The Week of Corruption”, and is aptly named. And while this week could easily create ten posts, this particular story is about a twelve o'clock at night pizza ordering, and a wizard named Zan.

     To make this as entertaining as possible, I'm going to show you the role of the delivery boy, and what he was probably thinking while this event occurred.

     Okay, last delivery of the night. Large pepperoni? Man, these guys are generic. Talk about boring. Alright, this is the room number. Knocking on the door... Nobody's answering. Great. I hear voices... Maybe I should knock again. Okay... Oh, someones opening. “Hi, large pepperon- Ah!” Why did a small puppet just answer the door? Am I THAT high?

     “Did I frighten you, Son?” asked Zan, Cory's wizard puppet that he bought at Epcot. Cory had only opened the door enough to let his arm and puppet through. The rest of us were trying to stifle our laughter.

     “Uh, yeah, a little bit. Um, this is going to be $19.99.”

     “That's pretty freaking expensive, Young One.”

     “I'm thirty-four.”

     “Wait, really?” Cory accidentally said in his real voice. He caught himself, and got back into character. “I mean, uh, I'm a hundred and sixty-seven. So, you're still young in comparison.”

     “Sir, are you going to pay for this or not?” This puppet is getting obnoxious.

     “Just a second...” Zan went inside for a while, and then came out with a twenty taped to his hand. “There you go.”

     No tip. Typical. And how am I supposed to give this large pizza to a tiny puppet?

     At that moment, Cory was actually wondering the same thing. “Guys...” he whispered to us, “I think I need to actually open the door to get the pizza.”

     This was a bad idea. Let me explain. If Cory were to open that door fully, the things that that delivery... man... would see would probably make him scream. This screaming would get the attention of the female chaperones who were right next door. They would come out, and then scream themselves.

     However, before we could stop him, Cory swung the door wide open, without shame. The delivery man's eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

     Oh... That is... the shortest kimono... I have ever seen.

     “Uh, here you go... sir?” He thrust the pizza into Cory's chest and walked briskly back to his car. All four of us were laughing hysterically, that is, until we all heard the next door over open. Four women chaperones, one of them being ours, walked outside to see what the laughing was about an hour after room checks. Ben, Spencer and I were terrified. Cory, fully visible and outside the hotel room, in a Japanese kimono that stops around high-mid thigh, looked at the understandably confused group of middle-aged women, and smiled.

     “Ladies.”

     Cory literally dived back into the room through the door, and I jumped up off the bed to close it. Our laughter was directed towards what just happened, and the certainty that we were all going to die. But after a couple of seconds, we realized that we weren't the only ones laughing. The chaperones next door were laughing so hard, I'm pretty sure they were having trouble breathing. We all sat down on the bed, and started helping ourselves to pizza.

     I said in my last post that there are a set of rules that every friend of Cory learns. The second one: Never look for shame. You will never find it. This rule has been proven again and again at parties, classes, and conversations with my parents. The latter proved to be pretty interesting.

We finally went to bed around four o'clock in the morning. I had just finally gotten myself to drift off to sleep when suddenly, Cory throws open the bathroom door from the inside (because, naturally, he was sleeping in the tub) and turned on the lights.

     “That guy owes me a penny!”

     I will definitely be writing more about the Disney trip, because as I said before, I can easily squeeze ten posts out of it. However, not all at once. They will be sought after stories that I will share when the time is right... or when I can't think of anything else...

     Also, I realize that these posts are pretty Cory-heavy. While it's true that he definitely seems to be the easiest one to write about, that doesn't mean that I'm not going to write about Ben, Spencer, or even myself. And yes, Ben and Spencer. You should be scared.

     Feel free to comment below, show me to your friends, or if you don't like me or my writing, show me to your enemies. I'd probably like them more. See you next week!