Brotherhood and Applebee's

     This is the four year anniversary of the twenty-six hour bus trip from Disney World to New Hampshire. And what a trip it was. Heck, the entire week was full of memories, stories and friendship. They were days of happiness, life, and slight corruption. Oh, and that one time where Woody from Toy Story took a smoke break. I could talk for hours on what happened on that trip. But you know what I'm not going to do this week?

     That.

     No, I think that now is a good time to introduce a new character, much like any failing TV show does. Am I saying that my blog is taking a nose dive? Not at all. I said failing TV Show. Blogs are on a completely different level.

     No, this is somebody who really should have been on this in the first place. He might not be a part of the quartet, but he has been as much a part of who I am, if not not more so, as Cory, Ben and Spencer has. And anyone who has seen the two of us together understand that we have a bond that is the equivalent to brotherhood. Who is he? Well, he's my brother.

     For me, Sam has been somewhere between best friend, and adviser. Think of it as a Gandalf to Bilbo sort of relationship, only Gandalf has even crazier hair, and Bilbo is even shorter. He's encouraged and supported me through a lot of weird ideas I've had, while still keeping a heavy foot on the “Constructive Criticism” pedal. For a long time, I just thought this was him making sure I didn't get too good at anything, as it was obvious that he was jealous of my pure and undeniable skill. However, this was just not the case. He wasn't trying to bring me down, he was trying to lift me up. (Reference that 99% of the readers won't get, anyone? Anyone? You, 1%? No? That's fair.)

     Sam believed that I had more potential that I thought I did. And I'm pretty egotistical, so that's saying a bit. So every time I wrote a new short story or idea that I knew was bad, but tried to pawn it off as good anyways, he called me out on it. “Nope. You can do better.” “Nice try. Go back, and do it again.” “This just sucks.”

     Did it hurt having a literary equivalent of Simon Cowell as an older brother? Yeah, but it was necessary. Sam is pretty much the reason I'm doing this project, rather than some terrible attempt at a fantasy novel. Sam is probably the only brother in history who has pulled his younger naive brother aside and taught him the importance of timing when telling a joke, how maturity should always be an aspect of your humor, and that you should never make a fool of yourself to try to impress someone. On that note, I'm going to tell you the story of the time Sam broke every single one of those rules. The day that Apple Sam was born.

     Anybody who dates me learns pretty quickly that I probably love Sam more than I will love them. It's most likely due to the fact that I talk about him more than anything, we have more inside jokes than there are insides, and we're actually tempted to believe that we have a telepathic bridge to each others' brains. Is this a bad thing? Probably, but we kick ass in taboo. And in the end, that's what matters.

     Anyways, it's no doubt that I raise Sam up on a pedestal a little bit when describing him, so when someone finally meets him, there are a lot of expectations that go along with it. And usually, they are all met with flying colors. Usually. However, the first meeting with my girlfriend, Becca, didn't go as smoothly as I would have expected. We were on a double date with Sam and his wife, Alex. Becca was excited, obviously, and well, I guess Sam was too...

     I can really only exemplify Sam's behavior with the way a dog acts when he sees his family for the first time after the family has been away on a week long vacation. I've never seen him like this before. I mean, he can be crazy sometimes, but never on this level. He was being loud, obnoxious, and at some points, just plain annoying. I think Alex apologized for him at least ten times throughout the day. Then dinner happened.

     “LET'S GO TO APPLEBEES!” Sam exclaimed while pouring a pitcher of water on himself.

     “Uh, you sure, honey?” Alex asked, obviously not wanting to be in public with this monstrosity.

     “You betcha, Lady! I want me some CHICKEN!”

     By now, I was mouthing “Please, forgive me” to Becca, although she seemed to be pretty entertained with the whole ordeal. Lucky her.

     When we got to Applebees, Sam seemed to have calmed down a bit. We got seated, all ordered water, and looked at the menu. Then, out of nowhere, this happened: “Aw yeah! Fried Chicken! I love Fried Chicken more than blac- OW!” This is where I kicked Sam extremely hard under the table, as it was easy to figure out that Sam didn't notice the African American family that was being seated behind him. That's a check mark for breaking the timing rule.

     Then we got our water. Maybe Sam just needed some hydration? Nope. When Sam got his beverage, he took the opportunity to suck some water through the straw, point the straw at his wife, and blow. Maturity rule? Check. Alex didn't even know how to react. Thankfully, before she could, the waiter came by to take our orders.

     When Sam's fried chicken came, he was somehow under the impression that we were vikings. Seriously. Everything from the way he ate it to singing battle tunes he made up on the spot. Actually, come to think of it, the latter was pretty impressive. Still, making a fool of yourself? Check.

     Apple Sam is a much referenced part of Sam, and he comes out once in a while like Mr. Hyde when he's in that delicate balance of being tired and wanting to stay up. We have yet to find a cure that doesn't involve massive head trauma, although it might just come to that. However, it did turn out to be the most interesting double date I've been on.